Atonement
by Catlover friendly-but-xplosive
Summary: The final chapter of Zia Toran's story, the Sith who came back to the light. Read Redemption and Forgiveness first. Rated T for violence. FINALLY FINISHED!
1. A messenger

This will be Zia's last story peoples. Thanks to Wayne and everyone else who reviewed the other two. Not that there were many of you.

XX

Zia sat in her room, trying to shake the images from her head. A year later, she still woke sweating from nightmares. She wished they had killed her that day they caught her. It would be better than this.

She stood and exited the room. The corridor was empty. She was glad. More people were talking to her, but no one liked her except Luke. And the nightmares plagued everything; her life was a walking nightmare. She hated it. Jedi mercy. What an irony. If this was mercy, she would rather be dead.

She passed through another empty corridor. She always chose the empty ones, even if they meant she took longer to get to a place, in this case the mess hall. That was always full. She couldn't avoid that.

She chose a seat right in the corner, as usual. Her table was always empty, and she liked it that way. It wasn't so much that she disliked people, but that she didn't want to get close to anyone, just in case.

She ate quickly and left, even though no one stared anymore. She already was used to been alone, but she was lonely all the same. Animals were her only companions, apart from Luke. At least animals didn't talk to her.

She sat outside, trying to lose herself in the peace of the jungle. She had felt increasingly anxious for the last few weeks. Luke put it down to her insecurity, but she wasn't so sure.

Suddenly there was a rumbling noise, like ships… large battleships landing. She heard an almighty crash as the trees were knocked over and the peace well and truly broken. She rushed inside to tell Luke, but he was already on the way.

"Zia," he said. "What happened?" Zia paused a moment before answering.

"Battleships. Three of them landed near the Enclave." Luke's face grew grim.

"Lets go find out what they want." Luke started towards the ships, but Zia held out a hand to stop him.

"I think we're about to find out."

A messenger flanked by two armoured mercenaries, all three armed to the teeth, came towards them and the crowd of Jedi gathering behind them.

The messenger smirked at Zia. "Zia Toran. Nice to see you again." Zia made a face.

"Can't honestly return that, Zhara." Luke glanced at her, confused. "I'll explain later," she muttered. Zhara smirked.

"We left on bad terms last time, Zia. Should catch up someday." He roared with laughter. She scowled.

"Just tell us what you came here to tell us." Zhara shook his head disapprovingly.

"Always making assumptions, Zia. But this time, you're right." He cleared his throat. "We demand that you give us the Sith Zia Toran for justice to be done."

Zia's face cleared of all emotion even as her hands shook with anger. "There is no Sith here." She said as calmly as she could. Luke glanced at her, concerned.

"I'm alright," Zia hissed to Luke through gritted teeth. "I'm in control." Luke looked doubtful but turned back to the messenger

"If you do not hand her over by sunset, we will attack your Enclave and take her anyway. Good day." The messenger smirked and left. Relief flashed through Zia's eyes. She had been so close to losing control.

She didn't speak while she went inside, people peering at her curiously. She hated been stared at. Hated it. It made her want to revert back to her Sith self, make them regret…. Luke came up to her.

"Come on Zia," he murmured softly, his hand on her shoulder. Zia nodded and let him lead her away.

"Is it that bad?" he asked when they were alone. She didn't need to ask what he meant. She nodded.

"All the time." Her voice came out as barely a whisper. "All the time. I can't do anything normal without feeling…" she squeezed her fist and Luke nodded.

"I'm sorry, Zia. This is torturous for you, isn't it? Living." She nodded.

"I wish they'd killed me," she whispered for the first time. "It's so hard to rein her in, keep her down. Pretend to be something I'm not." There was silence.

"You are a Jedi, Zia. These doubts are natural…" Zia smiled crookedly.

"No they're not," she said. "Others don't struggle every day; have every waking moment penetrated by a nightmare." She fell silent, and Luke struggled to think what to say.

"Well, maybe… you'll recover," he finished lamely. Zia snorted.

"It's been a year, Luke. Nothing's changed. I'm still on the edge of control, walking on the blade of a knife every day. I can't stop myself when I fight, that's why I never carry a weapon." She glanced at the place on her belt where her lightsabre had hung. "You remember what happened when we sparred."

Luke just nodded. He remembered all to well what had happened. She had lost control, ended up sobbing on the floor. He didn't want to see what she had seen. It looked too horrible to bear.

Zia sighed. "Don't feel bad Luke." Luke didn't answer, still absorbed in his thoughts. "Well, the story with Zhara. I promised to tell you, and I think you'll find it very entertaining." She cleared her throat and her eyes seemed to look past him. He watched her, waiting for her story.

"It was so long ago. A year after I turned. You wouldn't believe how feral I was by then. I was more like a Sith than a dark Jedi. I was a Sith, killing without mercy. Sarah's face stopped disturbing me. That was after she fell on my blade and died…

"Anyway, I hired a bounty hunter to help me hunt someone down. I would have done it myself, but my prey was very clever. I needed someone else to close in on him, trap him in a pincer movement. I hired Zhara.

"You have to understand, Zhara is no mere messenger. He is an accomplished bounty hunter with no morals whatsoever. He is like I was as a Sith. We worked well together.

"Anyway, we found him and trapped him. I needed this person alive, and Zhara knew that. He hated me, wanted to spite me. Still does, obviously. He got there first and killed him. I arrived a minute later and we fought… he had trained against Jedi before, see, so he knew kinda what to expect.

"But I was no Jedi and I almost killed him. That was when the security police arrived and I had to clear out. I left the body where it was, a corpse was no good to me. Zhara was imprisoned and charged with his murder- which he was responsible for- and I got away and never thought about it again.

"I heard he escaped and didn't particularly care. But he obviously hates me still, and wants me dead. That is my crime, for him. I have a lot of crimes; everyone wants me dead for something. Killed someone's relative, brought down a business. I keep my head low these days.

"I know how he found out I was here. The senators and their aides blabbed, it was all over the holonet… but I'm not going to pay for his humiliation. This time it really wasn't my fault."

Zia watched him as he struggled to grasp what she was saying. "You mean, you weren't responsible for one measly crime?" he joked weakly. "I'm disappointed." Zia didn't laugh.

"I'm serious Luke. I will not pay for a crime I did not commit." Luke stopped.

"I know Zia, I know. Don't worry, we'll think of something."

XX

Please R&R peoples!


	2. Sunset

One more chapter. Then its over.

XX

The messenger was back at sunset, just as promised.

"Well, have you made up your minds yet?" he asked lazily, hoping they said no. They didn't disappoint him.

"I won't go. Not for your humiliation. That was your crime, not mine, Zhara." She faced him from the front of the crowd of Jedi, Luke at her side. He giggled excitedly.

"I was hoping you'd say that. Say goodbye, Zia Toran." He ran back to his ship, laughing madly. Sighing, Zia turned to Luke.

"Did I just do the right thing?" she asked. "Condemning so many innocents to their deaths?" Luke smiled.

"Hearing you say that proves that you are a Jedi," he said softly. "Of course you did the right thing."

Zia merely looked sad. "I don't know." She said. "I endanger then by been here." She said, thinking of all the Jedi behind them. "Just by being me. Who I am. What I am." Now Luke looked sad.

"You have to stop blaming yourself. Nothing will change if you keep thinking like this." He watched her. Zia smiled slightly.

"But nothing has changed. Don't you get that?" she ran her hand through her hair, scratching it on the spikes on her Zabrak head. She didn't even wince. "Nothing, in a year, has changed. I still fight as hard as I did then. I still lose more often than not. She still whispers in my head." Luke looked at her with pity in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. But don't give up. One day you'll get better, and then you'll be a fine member of our Order." Zia snorted.

"No one will trust me ever again, Luke. I can't live like this. The death penalty seems pretty attractive now, tell you the truth." She almost whispered the last part, and Luke looked alarmed.

"Don't kill yourself, Zia. Nothing will be resolved that way." Zia almost smiled.

"It'd be for the best," she whispered. "I'm dangerous, Luke. I can't be trusted; I don't know when I'll lose control. I don't want to put anyone in danger because they were too close at the wrong time. I'd never forgive myself- if I came back again." Luke sighed.

"We've had this conversation before, Zia. You know how I feel."

"And you know how I feel," Zia said steadily, looking straight at him. "And you don't have to live my life, Luke, I do." Luke nodded reluctantly.

"I know. Please say you'll keep going, Zia. Please." Zia watched him strangely.

"Are you sure this is coming from concern for me?" she asked carefully. "Surely you can't care that much." Luke nodded.

"I do, Zia. You remind me of myself. I do care that much." Zia sighed and gave up.

"Investing a part of your heart in someone like me is stupid." She said before heading back inside to wait for the attack.

XX

_No one could blame you for killing him._

No! If I did that I wouldn't come back. I'd kill everyone!

_So what? You've done it before._

I don't want to do it again. I hate the person I was- the person I am.

_Why do you hate yourself? For having power greater than the others? For wanting to rule?_

But I don't. I 'm weaker, and I don't want to rule! I want to be normal again!

_Really?_

Yes. I do. I don't care how much I lose, I'm going to keep in control if it kills me.

_It might._

Then I'll die then.

_I though you were better than this._

What do you mean?

_I though you were strong, powerful. You disappoint me._

Good. I'm not you anymore.

_Yes you are. I'm part of you. I always will be. Don't try to deny it, Zia. I'm here, in your head. You just have to let me go…_

I don't want to let you go. Go away.

"Toran?" a voice asked from behind her, puzzled and concerned. "You alright Toran?" Zia turned around, startled. She was kneeling in a corner, head in her hands, jerking around slightly. She must look a little stupid.

"I'm taking you to Master Skywalker," the Jedi said when she didn't reply. She didn't argue when his hands lifted her up under the armpits and hauled her along to Luke's quarters. She knew she would have to talk to Luke about it anyway.

_You're weak._

I am not weak.

_Prove it then. Strike him down._

"Zia? Is she alright?" Luke's worried voice floated through her argument with herself. She shook her head, mumbling incoherently.

"Get her in my quarters." Luke said, helping the Jedi drag her in and plop her on the couch. Then the Jedi left. Zia stared at the ceiling, mumbling.

"Zia, what's wrong?" Luke slapped her on the cheeks gently. She shook herself out of it.

"She's there, Luke. She whispers to me. Tries to convince me to do the wrong thing. To go back to how I was." She looked on the verge of crying or rampaging. Luke sighed and put a hand on her shoulders, looking into her eyes.

"Zia listen to me. You are a good person…" Zia cut him off.

"Am I? Am I really. Then why am I plagued with nightmares all the time? I'm not a good person Luke. We both know that." Luke didn't answer, and Zia kept going. "I hurt people Luke. I don't know if I can control myself. It's getting harder." Luke sighed.

He wanted her to stay alive that is for sure. But was if from selfish motives? He frowned. He would have to think about that, from Zia's point of view.

"Luke…" Zia began. Luke looked at her.

"Yes, Zia?" he asked. She swallowed.

"Is it normal to hear voices? I mean your Sith voice whispering to you." Luke paused.

"I suppose you'll always hear her," he said quietly. "You've been through too much to not hear her." Zia looked relieved.

"Thank you. I'm going to watch… the attack should happen soon." She stood and left without another word, and Luke gazed after her. Her life was hard. He wondered again how many of his pleas to stay alive were for her, and how many for him.

XX

Please R&R!


	3. Keep Fighting

Zia, grimfaced, stood with the Jedi guarding the younglings while they waited for everything to start. "I need to do something," she had explained to the Jedi with her. "It is my fault this is happening." They had accepted her presence with nods and then ignored her. All the better.

She glanced down at the lightsabre Luke had insisted she carry for this battle, and grimaced. The Sith in her was roaring at her to take it up, to use it. It took all her self control to keep her arms crossed tight across her chest.

She saw the younglings staring at her and one little girl tugged the sleeve of one of the masters. "What's wrong with her?" she heard her ask. She could have answered that. _Nothing. Only the Sith in me roaring at me to take up my lightsabre I don't want to carry and kill you! _But he answered differently. "She's struggling with her emotions." _Good answer, buddy. No substance to it at all. _She turned away so no one would see her eyes flash.

Another Jedi glanced at her, concern in her eyes. "I'm fine…" she said, voice shaking. The lightsabre seemed to call to her… she grabbed it in her hand… the Sith roared in triumph. She held it, shaking, thumb hovering over the activation switch… then dropped it and kicked it against the wall. It hit it with a bang and she strode out the room, all eyes staring after her.

XX

"I am never carrying another weapon." She said as she entered Luke's room. He was in there, meditating until the ground assault started. He looked up, startled. "Zia?" he asked. "Never." She continued as if he hadn't spoken.

He nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry, Zia. I thought you could handle it." Zia took several deep breaths to contain the rant that bubbled up to her lips.

"I knew I couldn't." she said. "I'm not strong enough. I never will be." He accepted this with pain in his eyes.

"I wish you'd stop thinking so negatively." He said. He opened his mouth again to continue, but this time she couldn't stop the rant.

"Negatively? I'm thinking realistically Luke. I know better than you my limits. I know what I'm capable of better than you do. And I know when I'm thinking negatively. If anyone is thinking wrongly, its you. You're thinking optimistically!" she closed her eyes for a second as she fought to contain the Sith.

_Kill, kill, kill! _

She was chanting at her. NO!

_He deserves it._

The insidious voice whispered and most of her being wanted to do what it said. But she struggled. "No!" she realised when Luke stared at her she had spoken aloud. "Sorry." She muttered, embarrassed.

"You're fighting her." Luke said sadly. "I had hoped she would pipe down."

"She'll never pipe down, Luke. We both know that." If Luke looked sad, she looked sadder. Her tortured eyes met his. "This is pointless. This struggle. I wish it weren't in my nature to be so competitive. I can't let her win." She sighed. "It' not in me."

"Oh, Zia," Luke reached forwards to hug her, but she pulled back. "I have done you a great disservice, haven't I? Making you promise to live. I'm so sorry." She looked up and smiled slightly.

"Oh, Luke, you're so nice. Don't blame yourself. This is all my fault. Everything is." Her eyes darkened. "Everything."

When he reached for her next, she didn't recoil. She let him pull her into a hug. "I'll keep fighting, Luke." She said into his shoulder. "I'll keep fighting her. She can't win."

"I believe you." Tears sparkled in his eyes. "You're honest, Zia. That's one thing you have going for you. You'll fight her every inch of the way." She smiled crookedly.

"Yep." She said, pulling back. He released her. "Every inch."

Just then, the temple started shaking. "It's started." They said together. "I'd better go." They both turned and strode out. Before she left, Zia watched Luke for a second and said, "Keep fighting. I know you sometimes want to give up. But keep fighting. It's not worth it." Then she strode off in the opposite direction, leaving him staring after her.


	4. Dying

Finally I have the last chapter up! I'm SOOOOOO sorry it took so long but I had a MAJOR case of writers block regarding this story! Ok, theres supposed to be a fight in this but I can't write them so I've got a note saying that in the middle where the awesomely epic fight is supposed to be. And just see it in your imagination.

Other notes: Thanks Wayne for reviewing all the time despite the often lengthy waits between chapters. You rock man!

So lets kick this thing off!

* * *

Zia sat restlessly in a dark corner of the Temple, listening to the sounds of the battle. To her great relief none of the Jedi fighting was dying, though the attacking soldiers were. Repulsion rose up like bile in her throat. She was such a coward! How could she let others fight her battle? She was a warrior! It was her fault this was happening. All her fault. They had come because of her. All her fault.

The Sith compounded on these feelings.

_You know you could help them. _She shuddered away from the seductive whisper and tried to block it out.

_There is a way for you to be powerful again. Not this weak, shuddering wreck you are now. You ought to be ashamed; you are a warrior, not a woman who relies on others to fight her battles. _The voice spoke to her basest instincts; the ones already buzzing to kill kill kill! She had nurtured those instincts too long to ignore them now. For twelve years she had fed them; now she had to fight them with all her might. And she lost.

_I don't want to. If I do, I'll never come back, _she told the Sith within. _Don't encourage it. _Even as she said it, she knew it was the wrong thing to say.

_You know you want to. If you didn't thirst for blood, why did you feed me all those years? _Trembling, helplessly, she shook her head. She hated being helpless. She hated relying on others to fight for her. She hated herself.

_No, _she said, more strongly than she felt. _No, I don't want to. You know I don't want to. _But her resistance was weak. Familiar power was rushing through her veins and she felt strong again- and dirty. Dirty for enjoying it, for savouring it, for encouraging it.

Her instincts sang and the Sith basked in her victory. But only for a second. Luke's calm face sprang into her mind and she clung to it like a lifeboat. Luke was depending on her. She couldn't let Luke down. Her blood cooled again and the Sith hissed.

_He expects you to fail. _The Sith was angry now. Her hissing sent chills down Zia's spine. Zia was angry too.

_He doesn't. He has faith in me. You WANT me to fail. _She snarled in reply, and leapt to her feet. The Sith didn't flinch. Instead she expounded on the sudden burst of anger and too late, Zia realised her mistake.

The anger clouded her heart and mind and, with a violent gesture of her red tattooed hand, she pulled a lightsabre out of the hand of the nearest Jedi as she leapt into the fray.

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Luke knew as soon as he felt the dark presence enter the battlefield that there was trouble. Zia had succumbed. Rushing to the room where she was when he'd seen her last, he found her duelling fiercely with two Jedi. Her movements were fluid and snake-like, and her speed incredible. They were being beaten down steadily and looked overwhelmed. He himself was stunned. He had thought she had been moving fast in training, but this was twice that speed. Now she was in a full bloodlust.

_That damn Sith, _he cursed inwardly as he stepped forward and ignited his lightsabre. Her full lips broke into a cruel smirk, and the young Jedi, throwing him grateful glances, took their opportunity to escape.

He didn't notice all the soldiers had fled in the face of certain death by a madwoman wielding a lightsabre. He only saw her, keeping her under very careful observation.

"Zia Toran," he said, his voice resonating with power and light. She laughed.

"Luke Skywalker," said her familiar voice with a sneer. "Patron of the light side. You are weak." She strolled almost lazily towards him.

"Zia, I know you can hear me. You don't want to do this! You're stronger than her." his voice portrayed none of his anxiety. He didn't want to kill her!

"You're wrong." And with those two short words, she sprang at him.

*********************************************************************

Luke didn't even have time to react. He back flipped out of instinct, and that was all that saved his remaining hand. She closed in like a predator around her prey, and then they started to fight.

((The author is horrible at writing fights and is of the opinion that if she inserted her pathetic attempt at it, it would detract from the value of the piece. So insert awesome epic fight of choice here.))

An hour later, Luke had given her many small, bleeding cuts but nothing that would slow her down. He himself was exhausted, while her energy seemed boundless. She kept nipping at him alternately with her acquired lightsabre and vibroblade and he had been forced to resort to using his shoto. That was when she made her mistake. She stood still for a whole three seconds, more than she had in the entire duel, and he took his opportunity to stab her in the arm, to relieve her of at least one weapon. But she leapt and his sabre went straight through her kidney.

With a gasp, she fell back in slow motion and hit the ground hard, her weapons flying out of her hands, the hole in her kidney obvious. Luke fell to her knees by her side and took a cold, clammy hand in his as she slumped, the Sith leaving her to face death alone.

"Zia, I'm so sorry!" he cried as she struggled to sit up and look him in the face. He put his arm around her to help her and prop her up.

"No, Luke. Don't be." She coughed weakly and struggled for breath. "Sith… gone." The blood loss was catching up with her now and he felt tears glistening in his eyes.

"Zia, you can beat her!" he cried desperately. "Don't die on me Zia, please don't die on me." She smiled weakly.

"You act like it's you that is dying and not me," she quipped painfully, then gasped for breath painfully. He tightened his grip on her.

"Zia, you need to live. You need to show the universe it's possible to return." he pleaded. Hot tears dripped down his cheeks.

"I did return, Luke. And as a Jedi I shall die. But this life isn't for me. Understand, Luke, please. You know what I'm going through." Her deep brown eyes were for once at peace, not filled with inner torment. He nodded slowly.

"Your life was filled with pain," he said softly. "So much pain for one so young."

"I am young only in years, Luke," she said equally softly, though for a different reason. It was a clear strain to hold on as long as she was. He shook his head.

"No, Zia. You are young, and have many years ahead of you." He looked fiercely at her, as if daring her to deny it. "And you will live them." Zia shook her head, more weakly than ever.

"No, Luke." She said faintly. "No, I won't. We both know that." Looking into her eyes, he nodded very slowly. They did both know it was true. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't deny it.

"At the end… I… lost control." She said it so faintly he had to crane his neck to hear. "But this is how I want you to remember me." There was a very long pause, then she spoke again, and he had to put his ear right to her mouth to hear.

"I always respected you, Luke. Always loved you…" then her eyes closed for the last time and she drew her last deep, shuddering breath. He could have sworn her heard her breathing, "Always…" as she let out and then she was still. He wept freely.

"I loved you too, Zia," he told her even though she couldn't hear him and never would again. "You were so strong…" slowly, the weight on his hands faded until he was holding only a Jedi robe and tunic. He smiled through his tears. She had become one with the Force.

High above, Zia watched him with a smile as well. His life would continue and he would find new love. But for now, he would have to live on. She let the currents of the Force sweep her away.

* * *

So I'm finally done! *wild applause* and I can focus on my new story during the upcoming holidays. Its an original fic so its on and is about teen suicide and God. But I like it. So I'm going to keep writing it. It's called Rising from the Ashes. So check it out after the hols end coz I'll have a whole heap more up. Hopefully. Anyway, thanks again Wayne!

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